One thing I've always struggled with when it comes to girls is when to takes things up a notch. I always play it safe. I am the worst at reading signals so I don't know how girls feel about me. I become friends and then if I like them, I like them in secret. And I'm too fearful that if I ask them out on a date, I'll ruin the friendship, or at least make it awkward. So I continue to do nothing. And then eventually they find someone and I'm left there cursing myself out.
That's what's going with me right now. I met this girl, became friends, try and hang out with her once in awhile, and wonder how long I can keep this up. I don't want to be the buddy buddy. I don't mind it. But I would like it to be something more. But I also don't want to fuck up whatever it is we have right now.
Like I said, I'm terrible at picking up on signals. I remember a couple months ago I was given a crash course on girl's body language in a bar and I remember being blown away by how much I didn't know. But this isn't the bar, this is reality. I'm not trying to pick up a chick and bang her. No no. I just want to be with someone who cares about me more than a friend. Someone who I can make them feel happy that they're with me. Is that too much to ask?
Do you have any idea how painful it is to walk around a college campus, older than most, and see couples holding hands? It's heart breaking. I don't want to go to class sometimes because of what I know awaits me wherever I go. And every day passes which makes me a just a little bit older and I wonder if it'll ever happen.
You have to take risks if you want something but the fear of losing what I already have scares the shit out of me. But then again, I've only known this girl like a month. So what am I really losing?
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